Why My Son's Door Is Closed — And Why That's Okay

Learning to parent across a closed door without losing the relationship.

Somewhere around fourteen, my son's door started being shut. Not slammed. Just shut, quietly, all the time.

My first reading was rejection. My second, more useful reading, was that he'd run out of places to be a person who isn't somebody's child.

We made two rules. He gets the door. I get ten minutes at dinner with no headphones. Neither of us loves the deal, which is roughly how I know it's fair.

What surprised me is how much he tells me in those ten minutes when he knows there's a defined end to them.

The door is closed. The relationship isn't. Those turned out to be different things.